So I want to start this month's blog off by saying thank you to all of the people who read my last entry and to those who reached out to me as a result. In the first week of posting that blog 1,200 people read it and I received countless number of emails, texts, and messages from people saying how much it touched them. Some it spoke to a specific event that they went through or are going through. Some people close to me were surprised to hear the things that I spoke about because they never knew any of it....I told you I hid it well! I decided to call my parents and talk to them about the events that I written about because, honestly, they never knew any of that happened. Family members reached out to tell me they were sorry that I had to go through any of it and that I should've come to them. Truthfully, if I had I probably wouldn't have listened. I was blind in every since of the word. Thankfully, I am miles away from that time and place now and I am here to tell my story and take what was intended for evil and turn it into good.
After college I had followed my dream of being a musician. I was fortunate enough to travel around the southeast with a great band and play alongside some great musicians. I partied, I played, I slept in random hotels, cars, etc. It was a great experience but something was missing. I made some terrible choices and never really felt complete despite being able to do what I loved and had always dreamed of doing. I remember the day the band came to me and said that they were moving on without me. This hurt but it was probably in their best interest looking back.
So I was in a bad place right? Two abortions, heavy drinking, living life one moment at time, and making really bad choices in those moments. Another dream gone. Even after all of these "wake up and slap in the face" moments, I continued living for my immediate pleasure and not considering any of the consequences that would come along as a result. The last girlfriend had left me, I had slept around for while, and now I had found another girlfriend. I was searching for something that made me happy and made me feel complete but nothing was working. This new girlfriend completing me any more than any of the others had. Why couldn't I just find the right wife, the right career, perfect family, with the white picket fence (golf slacks and polo shirt not included)?! I had looked everywhere! Everyone around me seemed to have some semblance of what I was searching for. Where and how were they finding it?! Then it happened again. My girlfriend was pregnant. To answer your question, yes I am well aware of how that happens. When you're drunk and in the moment, you don't think. When you have no regard of anyone's pleasure but your own and a girl says ok, you don't think. You just do it and worry later about the details. Well now here I was again worrying about the details.
This time, however, would end up a little different. My girlfriend thankfully was pro life and never considered an abortion. I say thankfully because I doubt that I would have had the strength to stand up and fight any other decision she could have made. Thankfully, because I wouldn't get to help my son in the afternoons with his homework. Our first fishing trip with my dad last summer never would have happened. I wouldn't have the joy of sitting down at his drum set with him and teaching him how to play or going on a father son walk around the block and talking about life. He is truly a blessing and I am thankful that he wasn't another statistic.
So we ended up married and our son was born 4 months later. These were finally the steps in the ladder of life that I had been searching for. Marriage check. Kids check. Career? I was working on it. I was taking courses and working towards getting into Physicians Assistant school. I had applied the year before our son was born and was waitlisted but never got in. It was ok though. I had steps one and two of life and step three (career) would come if I just kept working at it. I was good right? I wasn't drinking much anymore. Started going back to church when I felt like it. I was being a good dad. But wait....something still felt missing! It's that dang career thing I thought. A job with better money is what I needed. If I could just get into school, get that job, buy a better house, nicer cars, didn't have to stress so much about bills, 401k, college savings, I would be right where I needed to be and I could finally have that joy that I was searching for.
A few years later I ended up with the perfect house, a new daughter, we weren't rich but we weren't as poor as we once were. I hadn't gotten into school yet and my career still needed work but I was pressing hard towards my goal and was hopeful that my day would come. Life was progressing in the right direction according to what I thought it should look like. Then BAM!! Divorce. That's a horrible word that I thought I would never experience. But then again, who says "when I grow up I want to be divorced one day!"
Next month I will take you through what that looked like and felt like for me. I am only taking credit for what I did and didn't do in my marriage. As I said in my introduction post, I am not here to destroy anyone else's reputation. There were definite things that I lacked as a husband that ultimately hurt my marriage. That's what I am going to talk about. Hopefully I can speak to other husbands who may be struggling with leading their family and marriage by telling my story. God has done ridiculously amazing things through this tragic event in my life and I want to tell everyone about it. I am leaving some verses below that have been huge for me over the last few years. If you're struggling right now or looking to fill that void, I encourage you to pick up a Bible. It's the best novel ever written and it's based on a true story. The best thing about it is that it's over 2,000 years old yet it helped save my life and continues to do so each and every day. It's not a dead book written by men but a living word written by God! As always, email me at bertdavis2000@gmail.com for any questions or comments. Thanks for reading and I can't wait to continue my story next month!!
"Trust in the Lord with all your heart. Lean not on your own understanding. Acknowledge Him and He will guide your path."
-Proverbs 3:5-6
"Better is little with fear of the Lord than great wealth with turmoil."
-Proverbs 15:16
"We love Hime because He first loved us."
-1 John 4:19
"Delight yourself in the Lord and He shall give you the desires of your heart."
-Psalm 37:4-5
"Abide in Me, and I in you. As the branch cannot bear fruit of itself, unless it abides in the vine, neither can you, unless you abide in Me."
-John15:4
"Now Faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see."
-Hebrews 11:1
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